since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
