I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
