You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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