Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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