Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
