i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
