ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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