week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
