i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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