Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
