Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
