Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
