Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize