Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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