turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Your penis caused this!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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