How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
