If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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