I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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