I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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