Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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