So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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