He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
