Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
