2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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