My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
