Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
