Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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