If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
