it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
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