You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
