How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
