new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
