Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
