my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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