im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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