Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Small penises have feelings too.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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