Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
