Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
