her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
