I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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