You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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