I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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