I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
