I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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