Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
