Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
