And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
