i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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