paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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