I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
