so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
