You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
