i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She bit a glass in half.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
