Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
