What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
