Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
