On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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