he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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