my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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