The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
