We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
