Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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