i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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