I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
