You really coming over, don't trick.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
