he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
two words...techno handjob
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think i got beer on your cat.
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