Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't put those talents on a resume
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
