Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
