Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
