He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So squirting runs in the family.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
