he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it hurts more in the daytime
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
