The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
