I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
