There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
