my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
