ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
