Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize