Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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