Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
