Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
