i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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