Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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