I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize