my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
